childish guilt

Saturday, May 16, 2009

When my youngest son Bobie was just 4 year old of age he used to play at our backyard alone.One hot afternoon he caught a frog and put it upsidedown inside the hole that he dug and sealed it with coconut shell and rock.At that night when the dinner was finished everybody prepared for bed,because they have a class on next day.during midnight the boy cannot sleep well,it seems that there is something that bothered in his mind and I was so worried about him,I asked him if he’s not feeling well,but he shook his head,until I asked him for second time, but he just keep on silence.10 min or more passedby he asked me…he said;Nanay(mom),if somebody burried me alive i will die?and I answered to him;ofcourse you will die!and he ask again;I can’t breath?I replied;yup!I’m become hungry?he ask again yup!I answered.he keep on asking until he asked again,and he said;How about the frog? I wondered why he asked like those question to me and I asked him,why?did you killed a frog?my son replied;no!i just put the frog upsidedown inside the hole that i dug this afternoon… I understood why he cannot slept during that night.I asked my oldest son to go with his youngest brother to save the frog.we go outside of our house and he find the place where he burried the frog and i just watched them while he ran and to find it.at last he found the hole.in great relieve and overflowing joy he hold my hand and look up in my eyes…with smile he said;the frog is still alive!


Sometimes we suffered from guilts and our consience(Shakespears called it,the thorn of the flesh) keep on remind us of what we did and we kept it in our heart and mind for long time…sometimes we ashamed and afraid to share it even to our family and friend.But,you know God is able to forgive us, his arms is open to accept our fault and weaknesses and give us rest and relieve from heavy loads of guilts and consequences of what we did…God loves you…



He is here right now . 14 years after, he still remember what he did before. And he learned a lot from it.

My unforgetable experience

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Back 1998 I undergone with gall bladder surgery,I've been carried that sick for almost 20 years in my life.Before i felt so different inside my body, there are times that i can't able to breath but i just kept it alone. I don't want that my family will worried about my situation,but with in 20 years i don't have any idea what kind of illness i had. Since i don't go to hospital for medication so i leave it like that. Year 1998 i felt so terrible pain and unexplainable feeling comes often.at first i hide from my childrens and husband but later i just can't bear the pain and i felt i gonna die that time. but still i endured it for more that 1 year, until my 3rd daughter went to hongkong for work as a domestic helper. But unluckily she was terminated. She back home and do a small business like selling some sandwiches in burgos market and let other persons borrowed her money and get some interest from them. She send me in hospital to know my body condition and and the doctor said i need operation to take out the stone that grew inside my gall bladder it's was already acute. After a few days, i was admited in hospital in provencial hospital in bacolod, I was worried about money problem because i know we dont have that much. But God always heard our prayers,there are some person who donated their blood for me,and some friends send their small help. I felt so glad beside of my fear because i know i was blessed with good and loving family.

After my surgery i was in my hospital bed, happed the doctor requested to buy some medicine for my surgery, and my youngest daughter who were incharge to look over me while i am in hospital went out to buy some medicine and it took too long before she coming back, and i was so tired and felt pain so i try to put my head down but i stroke it wrong and i felt i was dying. i strive to breath for almost 30 minutes in that position there are some persons beside me but they don't know what was happineng,because i can't speak, When she came back my face was already dark and i almost die, but i saw her laughing because she think im just acting. i wan't to angry but she was young though.but she doing her best too, i can't blame her beause i don't wait until she come back.

after to days, my body condition getting good, one night, my daughter sleep beside me in bed maybe she felt so tire for how many days didn't sleep and can't lay down. i felt some hot and i need som space so i get the chair and setdown while talking to other person's in the same room.i don't noticed one of the nurses come and need to give me a dose, she show my daughter laying down in the bed so she take out the short to give a dose, she almost press the syringe ishouted she is not the patient i am, ^^ the nurse was very angry because she almost gave a dose to my daughter.


Since then my body is not that normal anymore i was felt some sick and different. i can't eat normally. but im happy there is God always with me. my husband and children are always supported me. I felt so blessed among the mother in the world.

Sunset on the Horizon ( Punta Bulata)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Everyone love watching sunset, of course to have a good imagery of beautiful sunset we need a good place where we can view the total image of sun setting down the horizon. There are lots of places in the world where they can witness the setting of the sun. One of this place is punta bulata, anyways i am proud living in this place, this is the most wonderful place that i cant leave, this place where i start seeing the world. Before the light meet the darkness, you can see the orange sunset from the horizon the beautiful image that can captured you soul and interest. There are lots of people from different places loves to stay in Punta bulata, not for having a coolest place, but one thing that they really like to be here is to watch the sunset.



This was the last vacation of my son, he is from dumaguete city. This was taken in punta bulata place. This image is not same from above image, somtimes sunset depends on the weather. During this photo shot, there are some cloudies cover the sun. But still you can view the light reflects the water below. It was taken 4 PM i think the light illuminates the sorrounding and slowly close to darkness.





oh.another thing, not only human love watching sunset even this little dog know what sunset is. A nice shot from mobile phone, a perfect timing with sunset telling that, human and animals know how to understand the beautiful creation of God.

God Bless..

Secret how to handle poverty

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

As what i have mentioned we are came from a poor family, we worked hard for our daily life, from the scratch to the next level. I remembered when my grandson played the computer games he tried to fight with the monster without any weapon and he worked hard for the game. He fights as a real fighter; he thinks he is the one who fight for. Wishing in one monster he can kill he can get any weapon from it,

Same with our life when we are struggling from what we called poverty, we always wished there is any weapon to fight for, always wishing to get more power to continue for the next level. I wished we can have some money to buy some foods for the next meal.

Thinking for my children how to feed them for the next day, it seems my heart broke into pieces, so i need to help my husband to find money to buy any food for our next meal or else we will die, even what life we have done i never blame God because i know he has a purposed for us. I always thank him for not leaving us in times of hardship and trials, instead he recharge our force and give more power to strive the to fight the poverty.

I remember last 2003 the new owner of our land was requested us to move out from that place because they need to close to make private property, so we don’t have any reason to stay there. But i believed God really have plan for us. we moved to the place were some people stay near the school, my eldest daughter bought a lot to build our house near to her, also my children helped us how to build a new home with small store. In the morning i make salted peanut or sweetened peanut to sell, i also learn how to make ice candy which I sold out 4000 pieces a week i can have profit half of the ice candy capital. Sometimes i went to the market to buy some surplus clothes or curtain and i remade it. i sell in a low prices to my neighbors. I also sweet potato crackers or snack and i sell it to the elementary school. Sometimes I made Philippine native dessert and sell just to get more income.

But my main source of income is a small piggery. Which I started with only one pig after three months I sold out I bought more 2 pigs with my money until my pig become 6 and growing more, and now i have lots of them, my daughter helped me to build a piggery and now I have plenty of pigs and looking forward for our goal. We have a goal to sell 100 or more pigs a month and more sows for the near future. I was excited for this business and i wish this business will grow my daughter and I have a plan for this, She want to help for the old persons who don’t have family and children who want to study but cannot because of what we called poverty.

“There is a saying say's poverty is not the hindrance to success" This motto always give me hope and strength and i always thank GOD for his faithfulness he never leave us instead he always shower us with his blessing. I felt so blessed because I know there is God always willing to catch me if I'm down.

Sometime i felt sad to those mom out there just sitting down without any thing to do, just waiting for their husband to got home from work or opposite husband just sitting down while the wife having a hard time to find money. If you want to out from what we called poverty now is your time there are lots of way how to earn small amount of money. Don’t wait until the grace come in front of you stand up and go to find it.

Community Life style

Our place is not populated, not fully developed and cannot be called a city.This is a place where people living with same lifestyle. They have there own houses mostly made of nipa's and bamboo's. Its the only house that the people can afford in our community, people showing their unity to one another by helping and sharing what they have most especially their foods. The place are surrounded by tall coconuts which help neutralize the heat of the climate. This place is good for relaxation if you have problems, and for vacation since we have our own beaches and resort ready to serve you. Our community is a peaceful place where people are afraid in committing crimes. They respect the rights of everybody even though some of us didn't know what are the human rights, the only thing is that, just for the good of one life then go for what it takes at end.



Since this place is near distance from the sea, lots of children are enjoy swimming with their peers. They love playing,swimming with their sister, brother and friends. It seems that they are all contented what they have, even though the poverty are continued to attack our community. But doesn't matter we are all searching for a good solution. The only thing people do to fight poverty? to have a small income by fishing, farming and extra income from selling goods. They look happy for what they have for their life.


Only few people having sari sari store in our community, this is a store which you can find different goods and foods. Its a place where people in community choose what foods to eat a day. having sari sari store is not that easy, you need to have good capital and a place for your goods to sell and display.Before operating this little business you need to find bigger goods and foods supplier where you can buy it lower than selling price ate least you can have small profit from it. Sometimes people in our place can take goods trough credits or "utang" in our own words.
Since they are all living in same place its allowed to take goods with pay later, this is the attitude of people that we possessed. People in our community can be trusted and they have words of honor. Sad to say there are lots of people in our community who do not have a good education, having graduated in Elementary is enough for them. We are all wishing for someone who can make seminar and programs that can help people in our community to improve their lifestyle, and how to have an income by making a small business. With the guide of expertise may the people in this place can learn a lot.

My unforgetable experience

Monday, May 11, 2009

Back 1998 I was undergone with gall bladder surgery,I've been carried that sick for almost 20 years in my life.Before i felt so different inside my body, there are times that i can't able to breath but i just kept it alone. I don't want that my family will worried about my situation,but with in 20 years i don't have any idea what kind of illness i had. Since i don't go to hospital for medication so i leave it like that. Year 1998 i felt so terrible pain and unexplainable feeling comes often.at first i hide from my childrens and husband but later i just can't bear the pain and i felt i gonna die that time. but still i endured it for more that 1 year, until my 3rd daughter went to hongkong for work as a domestic helper. But unluckily she was terminated. She back home and do a small business like selling some sandwiches in burgos market and let other persons borrowed her money and get some interest from them. She send me in hospital to know my body condition and and the doctor said i need operation to take out the stone that grew inside my gall bladder it's was already acute. After a few days, i was admited in hospital in provencial hospital in bacolod, I was worried about money problem because i know we dont have that much. But God always heard our prayers,there are some person who donated their blood for me,and some friends send their small help. I felt so glad beside of my fear because i know i was blessed with good and loving family.

After my surgery i was in my hospital bed, happed the doctor requested to buy some medicine for my surgery, and my youngest daughter who were incharge to look over me while i am in hospital went out to buy some medicine and it took too long before she coming back, and i was so tired and felt pain so i try to put my head down but i stroke it wrong and i felt i was dying. i strive to breath for almost 30 minutes in that position there are some persons beside me but they don't know what was happineng,because i can't speak, When she came back my face was already dark and i almost die, but i saw her laughing because she think im just acting. i wan't to angry but she was young though.but she doing her best too, i can't blame her beause i don't wait until she come back.

after to days, my body condition getting good, one night, my daughter sleep beside me in bed maybe she felt so tire for how many days didn't sleep and can't lay down. i felt some hot and i need som space so i get the chair and setdown while talking to other person's in the same room.i don't noticed one of the nurses come and need to give me a dose, she show my daughter laying down in the bed so she take out the short to give a dose, she almost press the syringe ishouted she is not the patient i am, ^^ the nurse was very angry because she almost gave a dose to my daughter.


Since then my body is not that normal anymore i always felt sickness and complicated illness. i can't eat normally. but im happy there is God always with me. my husband and children are always supported me. I felt so blessed among the mother in the world.

Fisherman's Life

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Survival is one way of avoiding or coping bad situation and condition. As of now there are 80% of poor people who are now suffering from what we called poverty.But still they have ways on how to overcome poverty and they are always looking for survival. They have different ways on how to earn money, how to find foods for family even though this is not enough to be called stable life. The only occupation that we have are fisherman and farmers, in our community this occupation mostly the poor people have like us.

I wanna share with you the story of our life as a fisher man,This is my husband name Roberto Cayao. We are one of the survival people from poverty, but its not the hindrance to commit success. We live in a place where only few people can be called having a good life, we are belong to a low class in our community. The only thing that help us to hold on our faith is our God, with God nothing is impossible. Well back to the story, we survive through fishing using our boat, nets and fishing knot. Men usually go for fishing.

They are called fisherman, they spent half of their days and nights on the water searching for a good spot to have a nice catch.We often called fisherman as"mananagat" means working on the sea. Fishing is not that easy to think and to do, there are lots of challenge along the way before you can have a good catch, you need to know different ways of fishing in order for you to have a good catch. In fishing there are also legal and illegal, Illegal where its not allowed in our society but some people still doing it for them its their way to have more fish to catch. Because of poverty people didn't think for what is good and what is bad, for them the only thing is to have a food for their family and survive from poverty. Life of a fisherman is not that easy, there are struggle and challenges came along their way, there's pain,stress and sometimes they got sick for not sleeping all night. It is one of the risky occupation, there are some fisherman lost their life for not taking care of thier jobs. Along fishing they encounter waves that sometimes bigger than our boats, sometimes they lost the direction to their way home and the only guide they have is the stars at night. Fishing is not a daily job, we sometimes check the weather and climate iether its good for fishing or not. There are nights that got zero, it means no catch. They go home with a sad faces,they knew that their family waiting for them, expecting for foods that they can bring home but its a life, we are leaving in a hope to have successfull tomorrow. But in my situation all tommorows are failure only God knows what he need, and he knew what he think off.

This is our boat, its very important for us, its our resting place on sea. This is our transportation from dry land to the vast area of ocean. This is what we called pumpboat, it operates by motor and it travels 30- 40 KMH. Without it we cant do fishing or else we used smaller and not operated by motor. We used paddle to move to our distination.